finding God in the dirt

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Definitions

It is exactly the right temperature and humidity outside. The wind stirs around me and is a welcome friend instead of a bother. The sky cloudy and the birds eager to share the news. It is morning.

I'm sitting out on my balcony, taking the sights around me. My patio paradise is chugging along. My calendula flowers are blooming, peppers are reddening, and the never-ceasing strawberry plants are pushing their runners along the wooden floor and inviting themselves into their neighbors' potted homes.

It is mornings like these that I feel most like a farmer. I ~~imagine~~ know that if I were looking out over my own rolling hills and trees, I would feel just as I do in this moment. As I look out over my balcony, I am filled with gratitude for what lays before me. Though I cannot work the land of my own, I feel a kinship to the setting before me. This land gives to me and I, in return, give back. And that, in my world, is the definition of a farmer.

I wonder if it's the definitions that matter to us. What are we always asked as a child? What do you want to be when you grow up? As we grow into ourselves, we continuously define who we are based on that seemingly simple question. I think it's important to ask ourselves regularly how we define our lives and if that definition makes us happy. And, if it doesn't, I think we can change it. We just have to change how we define who we are. I was a mother through my actions and thoughts long before Gavin came along. And my Patio Paradise is teaching me that I can feel and act like a farmer without land to call my own.

Today I'll try to be who I really want to be and I'll watch my world transform around me. I think it might be that easy.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Summer at Patio Paradise

Lettuce and Chocolate Mint

This the happiest plant in Patio Paradise. That and the Bell Pepper. The other residents seem a little fried and tired. I'll admit it, I'm not a good waterer. Lucky for me, Tennessee has plenty of rain and in the cooler months, I can ignore the watering needs of my plants for a good week. In this hot weather, though, it needs constant attention and I constantly fall short of those goals. Oh well, I've realized that even the worst looking plant, staring death in the face, can come back to glorious life with just some good watering and mulching. My Lettuce and Mint plant above recently came back from the brink and now seems even more powerful.

Same plant from another angle. That's Basil in the front.

This plant makes me happy. It's pretty and functional, sitting in an old coffee can. It's been to hell and back. I get it. Sometimes life kicks you around, but you can always come back.

I am much enjoying the summer. With only my Patio Paradise to tend to, I am spending so much more of my time delving in the fruits of summer and not the hard work of summer. My CSA box from Green Door Gourmet is full of tomatoes, corn, green beans, and many other delectable hot weather vegetables. Gavin and I are splitting our time between the pool and long walks in the humid shade. Usually summer is not my favorite season. It's lack of total concern for my comfort keeps my focus on fall and spring as my favs. But, this summer is becoming something special. And I wonder if it has something to do with the presence of our newest family member.

Gavin is so inquisitive and full of wonderment, especially when we are outside. The hot sticky air is welcomed if the look of joyful awe will appear on his face when I take him outside. Life with Gavin is brighter, colorful, and more fun. And I think that many mothers would agree with me about their own little ones. I am one of the blessed, that's for sure.

Hello, Peppers!!

I'll leave you with this picture. There's 5 peppers on this plant. Count 'em, FIVE. If you want to farm your land, do it. Even if your land is a tiny, wooden balcony, or a 2 foot stretch of tired dirt, farm it. It'll bring you more pleasure than you think. And you might be able to feed yourself once or twice.

Happy Summer to you all!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

To Choose or Not to Choose

It's all about choices, people.

That's the lesson I've been learning over and over again. The past few weeks have been challenging- financially. And when money is tight, we all know stressful thoughts show up. And then the worries come waltzing in like they were invited. And before you know it, your mind is packed full of unhappy visitors, complaining about everything under the sun.

We've been in this situation before, as has many, many other families. Unexpected bills, loss of jobs, broken down vehicles, the list goes on. And in the past, I've opened my mind to a whirlwind of negative thoughts, believing that living in panic mode would somehow solve all of my problems. By worrying about all the things I could not control, I believed I was helping. Oh, how wrong I've been. Lets face it, worrying and stressing out DOES NOT help the situation. What they do is make it worse. They cause ulcers, tears, fights with the ones you love, and many sleepless nights.

This time around, I'm trying something different.

Gratitude.

I believe we all have the choice to decide how we feel. We choose to think stressful, worried thoughts and or we can choose to think grateful, loving thoughts. Of course, this simple idea gets convoluted if you're not aware of your thoughts and feelings. But, finally I am at a place where I am aware of most of the thoughts running through my mind and I can yell, STOP. I halt those negative thoughts and throw them out, like they were a drunk looking for a fight. And what can I replace them with?

Gratitude.

Thinking grateful thoughts have made all the difference. Focusing my attention on all the blessings in my life makes me feel lighter and peaceful. Even if it's only a second before those catty, nasty, worrisome thoughts sneak back in. That's one less second of my life that I'm worried. Or stressed. Or pissed off. Or sad. When life is unpredictable and sometimes short, doesn't every second count?